A couple of months ago, I Googled myself (not the coolest thing to do). It's surprising and strange what comes up, especially when checking out the blogs. Some of the more interesting, or rather disturbing hits I get, are on "pro-ana" sites. Now, for the unaware - and I was until I found two of my songs listed as "thinspiration" - pro-ana sites are forums for mostly young girls who have anorexia or bulimia... and see it as a good thing.
They are pretty stunning and...very twisted. They have adoring pictures of rail-thin celebrities like the Olsen Twins and Posh Spice. There are recipes (?) and tips on suppressing hunger pains: "You can train yourself to forget hunger by gently punching your stomach every time you get hungry because you'll hurt too bad to eat."
I think now I should tell you that I, Jill of Provocateur semi-fame, suffered with an eating disorder in the 80s. It was miserable, and a waste of six years. However, it has, as well as other youthful troubles, made me who I am today. My art and song-writing, I am sure, has also been marked by those years. "Lucy at the gym", and "Supermodel"(from the movie, Clueless), would not have been born, if not for it.
So, Lucy, the star of my song, is a girl who won't eat and can't stop exercising. I have great empathy for her, but this is no "pro-ana" song - in fact, quite the opposite. I was curious why some saw it as such, so I emailed Terra Atril, who writes eatingdisorder.com, on why she added the song to her top 10 list of "pro-ana" songs. Here's what she said:
"Well, I could put some real thought into this, or I could go with instinct basically just blame it on a cross between the lyrics and young-eating-disordered minds being fickle. People truly in the thick of an eating disorder have a combination of suicidal tendencies and god complex. "Lucy" is a character who can be seen as a deity, an example of how to live, and maybe die."
Amazing. But what is also of interest is how thoughtful and smart this "pro-ana" Terra Atril is. She went on to say:
"people read into lyrics BIG TIME and people with mental illnesses, especially, are capable of seeing any meaning possible from literally any combination of words. Another example I didn't include would be Radiohead's 'Creep'. It's obviously not about eating disorders, but the lines, "I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul," just hits people the right way, I suppose. I was originally planning on the inclusion of "Supermodel," but "Lucy...." just seemed more apt and what the masses (as it were) would be looking for. Plus, "Supermodel" could be construed too easily as tongue-in-cheek and honestly, the last thing people with eating disorders need is to feel mocked."
By the way, other "pro-ana" songs on the list were "Ana's Song" by Silverchair and Fiona Apple's "Paper Bag".
Now before I gross you out with a youtube video of "Lucy at The Gym" posted by some poor sick girl, I should tell you that the song has also been used in a more positive therapeutic way. In February, which by the way is Eating Disorder Awareness Month, a director from an eating disorder clinic asked permission to use the song:
"I think that "Lucy at the Gym" is a very powerful song. I am using it in a slideshow to illustrate to others what it feels like to have an eating disorder. I think it is the perfect song because of the honest depiction of "Lucy". I think the song along with pictures of calorie counts, the word diet in cereal, and the scale show the real torment of eating disorders. I am planning on showing the slideshow in a presentation at the University of Texas at El Paso. I hope to use the song to assist in raising awareness and promote the prevention of eating disorders."
Phew! Well, at least most people, I hope, get the intention of the song. Anyway, here's the lyric to "Lucy at the Gym", followed by a completely disturbing video. And, no I don't approve of this youtube.
Lucy at the gym. She's there every time I go and I don't go that often, so she must live at the gym I stare at her ribs they show through the spandex Her little legs are working, she's going somewhere She's climbing up the stairs and when she reaches the top her dreams will be there
Lucy at the gym. Lucy on the scale for the third time Thru thick and thin, Lucy's at the gym She's staring at the clock and like the 2nd hand she never stops She's Lucy at the gym
When she takes a shower, after all the hours Does she have a place to go.Is there someone waiting Or is Lucy all alone
I'm at the gym and Lucy's not there It's got me kinda worried so I imagine the worst She's made it up to heaven And when she met her maker, he said "come right in" "I'll show you around the gym" "Everyone's beautiful and thin" "And here there's no sin, and your life can begin Lucy at the gym"
How would you like to be an executive producer at a promising new record company (or at least buy a tee-shirt that says you are)? What about having your own theme song? Have you ever wanted to have a concert at your house with a semi-famous singer-songwriter? And…how would you like to sing with me, despite your (possible) lack of talent, on my next big hit?
Okay, I know this blog is really not supposed to be about me. I am very happy about that…really. We have been talking a lot about politics, but because this is on a music site we touch on music too (like Huckabee's views on the Scissor Sisters).
As we all know, the music biz is in turmoil. A lot of folks are bummed out, losing jobs, and confused about what the next business model will be. But as an artist, I find this an exciting time. We can be pioneers and start having more control of our own careers. That's what I'm thinking.
A bit of history: I have put out 6 CDs and been on four labels –two disappointing majors, and 2 indies (both of which went bankrupt). My personal favorite CD, "Happytown" (on Atlantic) was discontinued, and since I don't own it, I cannot re-release it. One would think that after a couple of hits ("Supermodel" and "I Kissed a Girl"), that I would be living the high life or at least flying business class constantly. But I hate to tell you…I still live like a freshman. The record deals that I signed were not moneymakers...
Now, I'm not complaining. I have been blessed and have played music for over 14 years without having to have a real job - which is a good thing because I have no marketable skills to do anything else. And right now, I have a bunch of new songs and finally feel ready to do a next record.
The problem is that I don't have one of those nice big advances from a record company to pay for the studio, musicians, producer, marketing, publicity, etc. - much less the illegal payola.
So, I have come up with new business model:
You guys - well, fans and companionate friends - invest in me. You fund my next CD (digital release, 8 track cassette, etc.) in exchange for gifts, services and participation.
We begin with a video made for The Provocateurs from our favorite slam poet and storyteller: RIVES
Now about me... (it always comes back to me, doesn't it?)
I first picked up the electric guitar when I was 8 or 9. My first gig was in 6th grade with my band "The Igloos"(pretty great band name, I must say). The Igloos only knew two songs: "Hey Joe" by Hendrix and "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple.
As you can see, from the start I fancied myself a hard rocker, a shredder, a guitar hero (decades before the game). The problem for me, way back in the late 70s, was that it wasn't that cool for a girl to do it. The other girls thought I was weird, and though the boys liked me, it wasn't in the making out kind of way.
I wanted to be Jeff Beck, Jimmy Page, and George Harrison. As far as female role models...there were not many. Oh, we had Nancy Wilson from Heart, Joan Jett from the Runaways, and before them, June Millington from Fanny
...but that was about it. Oh, I forgot, Bonnie Raitt.
Despite it all, I continued to be the best "lead" guitar player in my town (um, neighborhood), long before I decided to do that singer-songwriter stuff. What a bore! Still, I have been known to put my amp on eleven, stomp on my favorite fuzz pedal (the Swollen Pickle) and...shred
Anyway, Rives' video got me thinking about how other "girls with guitars" might have felt... so I came up with some questions and found a bunch of friends to ask - They are: Kat Dyson (guitarist in Prince's New Power Generation and with Cyndi Lauper); Charlotte Caffey (the guitarist from the GoGo's); Kay Hanley (from LettersTo Cleo); Nina Gordon(of Veruca Salt); Tracy Bonham (singer, songwriter and musician); Wendy Melvoin (of Wendy and Lisa, Prince, and composer for the show "Heroes"); June Millington (from the legendary girlband Fanny), Marla Sokoloff (an actress, singer, songwriter and guitarist. She also makes really pretty custom guitar straps called Kiss My Axe); and Dayna Kurtz (a New York singer/songwriter, known for her unique slide guitar style).
My questions are:
How old were you when youfirst picked up the guitar? Was it electric? Acoustic?
KD - 9 years old....acoustic....
CC - I was 15, but I was 17 before I played an electric
NG - about 6 years old, 17when I played electric
TB - I was 5 when I learned A, D, and E - Kumbaya, was it? I didn't really teach myself guitar until Iwas 24. I started to rock out on electric at age 26. I found that distortion could hide the fact that I couldn't really play.
WM - I started playing guitar by default when I was six.
JM - I was just turning 13 when I first touched a guitar.
MS - 12, My first electric was a Fender Strat
DK - 12 - an acoustic guitar my big sister had begged for several years earlier and left in her closet- A Yamaha FG 110 acoustic. The action was so high and it was so hard to play, I thought bar chords were for the super advanced and had to work around it.
Did you get much support for playing from your parents and friends?
KD - My mom was all for it from day one...It took my dada few years to get into it. Theboys in my neighborhood used to tease me and say I was wasting my time. Thegirls used to be kinda jealous because their boyfriends were turned on at thesight of a girl rocking out!
CC - No, and as far as I remember, no other girls I knew played guitar.
NG - Totally. The acoustics were my dad's guitars, the electric was a gift from my brother
TB - Peers gave me much support. They said I had a certain "sound". I thought it was called "ham fisted" but OK, I have a "sound". In the 90's it was considered cool for a chick to play electric guitar.
WM - My older brother Jonathan at the time was playing drums and had some really interesting teachers come to the family house and give him lessons. I wanted so badly toplay the drums too, but my folks just didn't pay that much attention to my musical desires. They really just thought i was being competitive with my bro.Xmas of that year Igot a guitar...it was a Yamaha D7 or something. I just flipped out I loved it so much. The only time I remember not playing as a kid is when I broke my arm, at 10 years old, skateboarding down ours treet, chasing the older boys to keep up with this new fad... I failed. I had a cast put on that took me out of the game for 4 months... I lost my calluses, and grew black hair on parts of my arm, that never saw any. It took a total of 6 or 7 months before I played again and haven't stopped at all except for the occasional "I want to be a bass player" or "I want to be a drummer now" or "I want to produce now" faze.
JM - hmmm. Well, before Bonnie (Raitt) .... not a one, on guitar. I mean a woman on electric guitar didn't exist as a role model in the 60's ~ although now I know there were a few on the blues and country scenes, and I wish I'd known. So I and other girls in the band just made it up as we went along, out of sheer chutzpah you could say. As far as guys, Jimi Hendrix would have to be at the top of the list. Then there'd be Lowell George, who taught me so much and was a good friend and ally. And there were other guys whose names no one would know but who helped so much with licks here and there, and especially sounds. We all just really experimented a lot, there were no gimmicks then so it was pure tone and understanding the intent behind every note you played. I mean, get it out there.
MS - My mom thought it was another phase because I had already attempted a few other instruments but all my friends at school thought it was pretty bad ass. At least I think theythought that ;)
DK - I was considered pretty weird regardless. It helped a little, I think. Not with boys, though. Nothing helped with that till my boobs came in. And even then, I was pretty much thought to be a freak, and not in a good way. My mom loved it. I think my dad liked it until it became clear that I wasn't going to stop and do something more sensible like get a graduate degree or marry a lawyer. Then he worried.
Who were your role models?
KD - Odetta (my mom loved her; she was the first black female guitarist to play Carnegie Hall; Marianne Faithfull (for hersongwriting) also, Wes Montgomery, Jimi Hendrix, The Beatles, Rolling Stones,Led Zepplin, Yes, Carlos Santana ,Allan Holdsworth, Jon Scofield; and for rhythm and funkiness: Sly and the Family Stone, Curtis Mayfield; all of the James Brown guitar players and last but not least, Tower of Power.
CC - there definitely weren't any girls-but my idols were John Lennon, Jimi Hendricks-way into Led Zepplin and Jimmy Page-my first 2 concerts were The Beatles in 1966 and Led Zepplin in1969 (their first tour) -so that pretty much set the stage right there..
TB - My role models on guitar were and still are George Harrison, Jonny Greenwood, Thurston Moore, and Joey Santiago of the Pixies.
JM - Back in the Day - there were no all-girl bands to emulate, heck there were no girls on any of the cool instruments. But from the family, pretty much the women - my mother Yolanda and my beloved aunt Cora. They adored anything we did, which is more valuable than people think. Peers? We didn't have peers. As I said, we were making it up as we went along. So when we bumped into other girls who played, naturally we were all supportive of each other. One girl was Addie Clement who was in the California Girls out of Palo Alto but joined our band the Svelts (Sacramento). And then there was the band Birtha whom we met in L.A. when we already had a record deal. They got one subsequently, and we hung out a lot, were all girlfriends. Their guitar player was kick ass, seriously, but they never got the attention we did somehow. They were great, tho (and their bass player is the woman singing on "Running On Empty" with Jackson, which was at least a decade later).
DK - My world was seriously rocked by Joni Mitchell, especially. Also, her use of open tunings helpedsolve my cheap warped guitar problems, as you can do less and sound like more in an open tuning. I still mostly play open tunings today. In high school, I was desperate for girl musicians -I loved Joni, Heart, Rickie Lee Jones. I remember in the 80's buying absolutely anything with tits that wasn't bullshit pop, because it was still so damn rare. The Eurythmics, The Motels, Tina Turner's comeback, Til Tuesday.
What was your favorite song to play on guitar?
KH - My go-to song when I have a Gibson Les Paul and a super loud amp to play it through is "LuckyGuy" by The Muffs.
NG - favorite first song to play as a kid was "Keep On Singing" by HELEN REDDY!!! So corny, it hurts to admit it...next favorite was "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac -- phew! Way better.
WM - When I was 12, I was taking lessons when my teacher at the time asked if there was any song I would like to learn.Well, I said yes to "Amelia" by Joni Mitchell - from her Hejira record, not realizing that it was open tuned and that my teacher was not a fan. He went home that week to learn the song and then feebly taught me his rendition. I played it his way till I was 16 and then discovered open tunings on my own and happened on that particular tuning from a song. I was writing at that tender age, and my world changed forever. Guitar playing has never been the same since for me since...
JM - "Stop! In the Name of Love" (nice piano chords, it was the first time I realized you could play a chord with its third in the bass), anything super-funky like "In the Midnight Hour" or "Hold On! I'm Coming", even "Walking the Dog"; Beatles Beatles Beatles; girl group songs - "Heat Wave", "Dancing in the Street", "Somebody to Love" by the Jefferson Airplane (Addie played all the leads, I didn't get off strictly rhythm 'till we got to L.A. and she quit the band - yipes!) and "Sunshine of Your Love" were both great tracks to learn when they were still hits, just an absolutely rollicking time; "Do You Believe in Magic", wow, and a shuffle too; you had learn to do songs like "Louie, Louie", that basic rock thing, but we didn't stay on them long as everyone else was doing them and the 3 chords didn't really hold our interest - what set us apart was the ability to do the vocals that girls sang, or turn gender around on others ... boys didn't switch it around too much like that; and of course a good ballad always tore my heart out, we loved them. Examples would be "To Sir With Love", "Alfie" (I know, not a guitar song but we did it anyway, and learned a lot), "I'm On the Outside (Looking In)", "Baby I'm Yours", Walking in the Sand", "Our Day Will Come" by Ruby and the Romantics, and "Walk On By" - what a track!!.
And why did you want to play guitar in the first place?
KH - I started playing guitar because I was in my first band and was restless to write songs on my own as opposed to having to wait for band rehearsal nights when the guys would strum the chords for me. This was 20 years ago and I'm still not very good.
JM - I had no choice. The minute I heard one at the convent in Manila (7th grade, a few months before we moved to California) I was hooked, smitten even. I knew immediately that it was a force bigger than I and could't resist, it consumed me ~ it was rock 'n roll destiny!
MS - Because Joni did. I also really wanted to write songs about how much my parents sucked andplay them in a band to embarrass them.
DK - I don't know if girls pick up a guitar for the same reasons boys do (to get laid, to be cool). It felt like pretty uncharted territory at the time, but Ifeel like it kind of saved my life, in retrospect. It gave me a similar kind of confidence and grace that playing sports gives to other girls.
1. I am going to eat better: My dietary habits have not changed since I was 8. Sure, instead of a Butterfinger, I will go for a, say, a Cliff Bar, but it is basically the same sugar crap -- but not as tasty. I skip meals (usually breakfast), snack A LOT, drink Diet Dr. Pepper and like to eat right before I go to bed. I also eat out too much. It's expensive and not as healthy as eating in, they say. But... I have kitchen phobia. I don't cook, and think if I did, I would be terrible, and no one would want to be my dinner date. This is all gonna change. Maybe I will by a cookbook. Do you guys have any good easy recipes for special needs cooks?
2. I am going to get more sleep: I average 6 hours. I like to stay up late and read. It's my no worry peaceful time. The problem is that I like to get up early. The morning is also my no worry peaceful time. The bigger problem is that the rest of the day sucks; I am tired, spacey and cranky. Plus, the crystal meth is just not as fun as it used to be.
3. Better work habits: More time with pen and paper and less time writing on my computer. When I start on my computer, I say to myself, "oh, before I get to songwriting, why don't I check my mail, then go on a couple news sites, then a couple of blogs, then go on Wikipedia to read up on, for example, who are famous Scientologists." Before I know it, two hours have passed and I am too tired to write a song. Plus, I didn't get enough sleep.
4. Be brave and face the DMV: I have a Denver driver's license and have not lived there since 1987. It's part laziness, but mostly fear of having to take the test again, especially the driver's one. I don't know why it frightens me so, but it does. So, I made an appointment for next week at the Hollywood DMV. Wish me luck.
5. Finally put out my next CD: I have been holding out for too long and have been a bit tentative. Will it be as good as my last one? Will I be heartbroken again? My last two CDs (which I am very proud of) were on two labels that went bankrupt. Sure, a lot of folks heard them: I toured tons and did what I could do on my own, but they were never properly promoted and marketed. I will be recording it in February -- yikes!
6. Be a better person: I will try to be less self involved, more active in the community (maybe feed the homeless with my new recipes), be more tolerant of people with different political views (hmm, that's a tough one), and live life with less fear and with more love and adventure.
Happy New Year to each and every one of you.
Oh, here is an old song of mine that is sort of applicable:
Part blog/part variety show hosted by singer/songwriter Jill Sobule with her fellow Provocateur, Michelle Lewis. Featuring lots of special guests, original music and videos. Formerly on Yahoo Music Blogs but ended up being too cool.
