The worst lyrics ever and…The Provocateurs' Presidential endorsement

(Originally posted by Jill and Michelle on Feb 3, 2008)

I consider myself a pretty good lyricist, but I also know that I have probably written a couple of stinkers. Hopefully none of them are quite as wrong as these:

1.Sade's "Smooth Operator"

"Coast to coast
L.A. to Chicago"

(shouldn't that be...Coast to Great Lake?)

2. Madonna's "I Love New York"

"I don't like cities
But I like New York
Other places
Make me feel like a dork"

("dork" could be funny, but not by Madonna)

3. Barry Manilow's "Could it be Magic"

"Lady take me
high upon a hillside
High up where the stallion meets the sun"

(bad sexual pretty pony imagery)

4. Kiss's " C'Mon and Love Me"

"She's a dancer, a romancer/I'm a Capricorn
And she's a Cancer"

5. Paul Anka's "Having My Baby"

"Didn't have to keep it
Wouldn't put ya through it
You could have swept it from you life
But you wouldn't do it. No, you wouldn't do it
Having my baby"

Michelle adds:

6. Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps"

The line "my lovely lady lumps" made me gag a little every time.

7. Train's - "Meet Virginia"

"And she wants to be the queen
And she thinks about her scene
Pulls her hair back as she screams
I don't really wanna be the queen"

And that guy is also responsible for the most truly unforgivable line in "Drops of Jupiter" - "the best soy latte that you ever had and me."

8. Back Street Boys' - "I Want it That Way"

"Tell me why - Ain't nothing but a heartache
Tell me why - Ain't nothing but a mistake
Tell me why - I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way"

Um, what way?
Seriously, does this song make any sense to anyone? You know what? It isn't meant to. It is a well-known fact among us songwriters, that the president of the BSB's label made a major attempt at replacing those lyrics with ones that actually "meant something". The professionals were called in, one try got particularly close (by the guy who wrote "Genie in A Bottle,") but nothing beat the "English as a Second Language" lyric writing of the original Swedish songwriter. In fact, this could be a category unto itself - along with "Hit Me Baby One More Time" and "Since U Been Gone."

Finally, because our collective attention span is too short to even get to the requisite list number "10," we will turn to our friend Mike Daly for a few heavy metal gems -

9. Metallica's "For Whom the Bell Tolls"

"For a hill men will kill.
Why?"

10. Iron Maiden's "Only the Good Die Young"

"Measure your coffin,
Does in measure up to your lust?"

11 .And finally - W.A.S.P.'s "Evermore"

"Only those who stand within
Can hold the keys that let us in"

Deep.

We know it's hard to top, but we ask you, the readers, to go ahead and continue this list...
________________

And now, The Provocateurs are announcing their choice for President - Barak Obama! (like you didn't already know).

In the words of the recent LA Times endorsement:

"In the language of metaphor, Clinton is an essay, solid and reasoned; Obama is a poem, lyric and filled with possibility. Clinton would be a valuable and competent executive, but Obama matches her in substance and adds something that the nation has been missing far too long -- a sense of aspiration."

Again, lyrics come up - but good ones this time. Lyrics that can rouse the independent, the cynical artist and that ever-promising youth vote. We also think (and what do we know?) that he has a better chance of beating a Romney or McCain. So our decision is not just kumbaya, but strategic.

Our endorsement for Vice President: Hillary?

But of more importance is our choice for NFL champs - The NY Giants! We like the underdog.

added note: Sting's "If You Love Sombody Set Them Free" always skeeved me out. And a secret...I actually do like Manilow.

Primary Chatter with Jill and Michelle

(Originally posted by Jill and Michelle on Jan 25, 2008)

From Michelle -

"I've had all I can stand, and I can't stands no more!" Popeye

Anger is an amazing motivator. Yes, it might be smarter to move into action before the emotional dial gets to "outrage", but look, everyone is busy. There's other stuff to do - like, make a living or raise your kid. Then ultimately you get to a point when the passive victim shit gets old... and while I can kvetch along with the best of them, after a while, merely complaining becomes part of the problem.

On Sunday, I went to a house party for Barack Obama - literally three houses down on my street and talked to a bunch of my neighbors...for the first time after 5 years of living here.

My neighbor Estee!

While Obama was a topic of conversation, most of us were talking about what "the point" was for them. This was no SDS meeting, not your typical activist-types... these were your average neighborhood folks - a teacher, a film producer, an ex-minister, a woman who was 8 months pregnant, etc. Their reasons were as varied as - the war in Iraq, the 2000 (stolen) election, a job loss, prohibitively expensive health care and equal marriage rights. By the way, for me, the "point" was getting a $10K bill for having a baby, WITH health insurance. Hmmph.

So here we are, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, schmoozing about politics and the state of our state (California). You see - we've got a big primary coming up on February 5th and since CA has so many delegates, the winner could very feasibly become the Democratic nominee. There's no shoe-in...so there's a real sense that phone banking and canvassing and all those old-school grass-roots ways of getting folks elected...could actually work.

I've never worked for a candidate before. As much as I love the whole political theater thing, I'm waaaay too cynical to believe that any one politician is worth working for! Except now, I'm thinking about it. I guess this is where the anger comes in... and why I'm now personally motivated to not only vote for a guy who is everything opposite of GW Bush, but to try to get others to do the same.

By the way, the other day I heard yet another cringe-y Bush speech strangling as he was talking to a bunch of our troops in the Middle East - "When the pages of history will be written, you were on there as the winners."

This has to stop, people.

And speaking of stopping... this is from Jill:

"Stop it Bill!"

I have stood by you for years. You got a bum rap. And... there was a right-wing conspiracy. Sure you lied, but in comparison to today, it's so so quaint. I once saw a bumper sticker that said, "Come back Bill...all is forgiven". Oh, and here's one of my favorite Jon Stewart quotes: "And I will say this: Hurricane Katrina is George Bush's Monica Lewinsky. The only difference is that tens of thousands of people weren't stranded in Monica Lewinsky's vagina."

So like I said, I have always defended you (except for deregulating the media, making radio a big consolidated bore, and I could go on, however...) But even more so, I have loved the distinguished ex-prez who moved his office to Harlem and has worked for Aids and Africa. I saw you speak last year, and was truly moved, even as I aware of your ability to manipulate when seen live.

And now, here you are all red-faced, fighting dirty with Obama, and telling the press that they should be ashamed. It's not becoming; it's not as the Chinese call you, "sexy President."

Just stop it! Get off the campaign trail. You are not helping Hillary and not helping your legacy? Don't blow it.

Oh, and another thing - since The Provocateurs theme song has only been up once (on the very first post), I thought I would bring it back. We spent a lot of time on this silly song.

Jill Sobule & The Provocateurs: "The Provocateurs Theme Song " (MP3, 1:07)

“We are the Writers” – Our Union song

(Originally posted by Jill and Michelle on Nov. 22, 2007)

Jill Sobule & Michelle Lewis: "We Are the Writers " (MP3, 2:18)

For my appearance on NPR's Bryant Park Project this AM (reeeally early), I decided not to go with the Turkey number, but rather with a song about the writer's strike, again with help from my fellow Provocateur, Michelle Lewis. I was trying to get serious union with it -- in the lower part of my vocal range and in E minor (the angriest of all keys). Also, I wore a kind of Trotsky-like hat. It was radio, so you couldn't see it. I also want to send out a thanks to Kim Dickens for handing me the lines about stage hands and Scott Baio.

Here are the words:

We toil in the writers' rooms
The windowless and darkened gloom
We entertain the people of this land
We've forsaken our great novel
For the sitcom and the pilot
Our blood and sweat and punch lines for The Man.

We are the writers
We are the writers
And we are the wronged...

Just like our brothers in the coal mines
And the stagehands of the East
We will suffer with just donuts
Out on Melrose in the heat

The producers get the glory
And the actors get the fame
We Cyranos of the back lot
Left out of the game.
("New media" they're calling it)

We are the writers
We are the writers
And we are the wronged...

All we asking is our piece of the pie
Without another season of Mad Men, I'd surely die
My friend, do you know what will happen
If in the end they don't pay?
More of that Scot Baio show
And spin offs of Flava Flav ------ Flava Flav

So we'll strike, for our right
Just to write and get paid
Yes, we'll fight and we'll sing you this song...
We are the writers,
We are the writers
And we are the wronged

I do love the show Mad Men.

Michelle's note: Personally, I think it's Johnny's Cash's hat Jill is wearing. Also, just wanna say that Jill and I are both in SAG and AFTRA and fully support our writer friends in this strike (we've both picketed!). Happy Thanksgiving!